138 - POO MOON

Sometimes it’s tough to know what to do.  For example, what would you do if you were trying to slice a pizza with a filet knife and see your dog defecating on itself?  We think stabbing your spouse should be pretty far down on the list of options, but that’s exactly what one lady does in our Top-of-the-Show News Round segment.  There’s also some lovely, not self-absorbed people  showing off their wealth on Instagram.  Meanwhile, some officials in China are discussing building a new Chinese China-moon.  Yes, a moon.

We’ll meet a hip-hop fan named Shaq who is trying to broaden his musical horizons by listening to Metallica.  That’s tough!   Also, Booze invites us to “Take a Break” with the Bald and the Beautiful, Beardo checks in and shares a recent family tragedy, and Belasco tries (again) to get everyone else to share in his personal obsession with the least sexy adult film ever created – now on Blu-Ray!

Later, Prof. Chuck Turtleman’s Guide to the Marvel Universes reviews “Iron Man 2”.  Let’s just say that it’s probably better that Stan Lee is no longer able to hear it.

Stick this one in your noggin because it’s a good one.

129 - JOHN DANIEL WAS A GOOD MONKEY

Featuring: Beardo, Booze, Chuck Turtleman

… But was he the best monkey ever?

Whaaaaaaat’s Up, my honkies? In this very special return to podcasting podcast, we get right back to the Sweet feathery Jesus basics. Monkeys & the people of the Chinese China-regions!

John Daniel was a gorilla from Gabon who left his African troubles behind and came to live in England during the glorious reign of Queen Victoria. What a lucky monkey! He drank hard cider, went to posh dinner parties and really really liked watching those guys that fix shoes. Cobblers? No… it’s all true, I tell ya!

We also examine the media’s obsession with attractive young lady teachers who seduce their pupils (that’s right… the MEDIA’S obsession with that. Not ours), and Chuck Turtleman takes to the virtual skies to report on two very different sets of fathers and sons. One family share their collection of China China sex dolls. The other manages to have a violent fight over an onion (some say layer fruit).

Oh, and this podcast also features REAL MERMAIDS!

So lube up your legs, pull on your $3,500 fish tail and stick us in your Victorian ear trumpet!

123 - WE ARE ALL WINNERS!

Featuring: Booze, Chuck Turtleman, Beardo

Whaaaat’s up, my honkies?

In this moderately special episode of the Sweet Feathery Jesus podcast, we finally hire a young Chinese China Engineer kid off of Craiglist (some say Creggslist) to sort out Chuck Turtleman’s sound. He couldn’t get rid of the hiss, but blimey, he works cheap.

Booze is horrified by his old school’s new motto, Beardo speaks some posh Latin, and Chuck uses his famous felon judging skills on the exciting new gameshow… What Did The Naughty Man Do?

All this, some Chinese Chinapeople getting scammed by fake jellyfish, some 1950’s French people getting punk’d by the CIA, and Frank leaving his apartment to visit the big city. Which does not go well.

So stick us in your ear, my special little snowflake.

115 - THE HAPPY NEW CHINESE CHINAYEAR OF THE CHINESE CHINAMONKEY

Featuring: Booze (rat), Chuck Turtleman (cock), and Beardo (ox)

新年快乐, my honkies! That’s right, the Happy New ChinaYear is upon us, and this time around, for the first time in the history of the SFJ podcast, it’s the Happy New Chinese Year of the Chinese Chinamonkey! In keeping with this extremely auspicious occasion, we bring you this very special episode of the Sweet Feathery Jesus Podcast, which is focused on all things Chinesey and monkeyish.

In retaliation for the travesty that was Tiptoes, Booze and Beardo make Chuck Turtleman and his Internet Lady watch a beloved TV Japanese Chinashow from their youth, called “Monkey!”, This show never aired in the US, and so Chuck was totally unaware of its very existence. Until now! It features Japanese Chinapeople depicting Chinese Chinapeople, overdubbed by British people doing a hilariously racist Chinese China-accent. Don’t worry, there’s also plenty of gleeful violence and attempted rape (it is a kids’ show, after all!).

Professor Chuck Turtleman takes up the Chinese monkey copter, and brings us a veritable Chinese buffet of stories from the Chinese Chinaregions. We also feature one of the best Idiots of Facebook segments ever, when some of Friendzone Frank’s “Bellas” turn on him in a cruel twist of fate that he totally did not bring upon himself by his own repeatedly stupid actions.

All this, more casual racism than you can poke a chopstick at, and the very special return of a fan-favourite former SFJ segment after a two-year hiatus, on this very special episode of SFJ!

So drill some ear holes in your lampshade-shaped monkey-sized Chinahat, and stick us right in there, nice and deep!

(Special thanks to Gravy!)

86 - MR. DONG MEETS MR. CHIN

Featuring:  Dr. P, BoozeBelasco

Producer: Booze, Dr. P

Ni hao, my honkies!

It’s a Chinapeople extravaganza this week as we see what cheese-loving Naughty Leader Kim Jong-Il Jr. has been up to, infiltrate an oriental graverobbing bicyclist ring and introduce Mr. Dong to Mr. Chin. If you’ll pardon the expression.

Changing the subject completely, Booze shows us Belgium’s most disappointing penis, somebody called “Chuck Turtleman” steals Dr. P’s News ‘Copter, and Belasco tells a very, very funny joke.

In SFJ’s Penitentiary Pen Pals, our ovaried offenders include a helpful “youth worker” and a nice young lady who could show Kim Kardashian a thing or two about beverage balancing.

Last, but definitely not least, we catch up with our favorite social media simpleton in a special-length Idiots of Facebook that may or may not end with a beautiful romantic duet.

So take your loved one in your arms, gaze deep into their eyes and… stick it in their ear.

xoxo