Sensitive soul, Crease, wants us to estimate how many animals we’ve inadvertently killed. Whereas, pedantic soul, Kelvin, thinks he has a better question. After that, we demoralise crap ghosts, design the perfect genitals… and Kelvin thoroughly dismantles The Walrus Topic.
005 - IT DESTROYS THE MIND
Crease has murdered someone. Dramatic pause. That’s the hypothetical situation he poses at the start of this week’s episode. But it’s when Kelvin explains why he, personally, couldn’t kill anyone, that things really come off the rails. Later, Kelvin is incredibly rude to some listeners who call in to the show, and Crease asks, unrelatedly, whether we need to start giving ourselves a positive PR spin.
004 - THIS BABY IS REVOLTING
This episode, we discuss the possibility of planes not being real and of Jesus being a gigantic, depraved maniac. Fine. But it’s when Crease broaches the topic of babies that he unleashes an anger in Kelvin that cannot be contained.
003 - STRAIGHT TALKING CANNIBALS
We’ve held off for three episodes; but it’s time for us to discuss the selection process for cannibalism.
We also have a chat about a bizarre local event that’s taking place, and address a handful of topics from the listeners - for context, we should probably point out that the show was originally recorded live for online radio.
So, is Kelvin’s opinion on yogurt really more controversial than [REDACTED]?
002 - SAVING A FRIEND THAT DOESN'T EXIST
The episode begins with Crease vividly describing the fantastical thing he did at work, bringing new life into this world via a cow’s vagina.
After that, Kelvin shows a bizarre level of contempt for both science *and* magic, and the two of us have an argument about who matters more in a rescue attempt; the hostage or Kelvin.
001 - AN IDIOT INVENTS A FILM FOR KIDS
In our first episode, Crease asks Kelvin to invent his own children’s film. But Kelvin overthinks the question. Or underthinks it, when you consider the film he comes up with.
There’s also a discussion about the downsides of immortality, and an attempt to judge some thoroughly pathetic monsters. Perhaps most telling, though, is that we can’t even agree on the title of the very first topic.