Ladies (and gents, but only if you're ready to play nice), let's march arm in arm towards a more equal, happier future. Along the way, we're likely to learn from the mistakes of some of the World's Worst Feminists that we discuss with powerhouse performer Roann McCloskey. Roann turns her ire on the disappointing lack of solidarity from the likes of Germaine Greer and Paula Radcliffe. Barry dons a hazmat suit and ventures onto the darker message boards of the internet. And Ben takes us on an actual WITCH hunt. This is a bumper episode, with some quite meaty and serious chat about feminism and equality which we didn't want to cut out so settle in as two men tiptoe gingerly around, guided by a badass lady - as it should be!
THE THIRD FOOT - THE OSCARS (BONUS EPISODE)
Join us on the red carpet for our bonus episode as we pick over the bones of the weirdest, wildest and most ill-judged moments in the history of the greatest show on earth.
139 - DAN MUGGLETON - WORLD'S WORST PRISON
We are rattling the cages and walking the yards of the World's Worst Prison this week in the company of convict-by-birth, Australian comedian Dan Muggleton. Dan's love of prison documentaries sees him lead us into the terrifying but also porous 'Breakout Prison' of Papua New Guinea. Meanwhile, Ben squeezes into the smallest prison in the world, and Barry guides us round some of the most famous prisons on the planet, as well as chucking us into the cloaca of ancient Rome.
138 - JONNY SHARPLES - WORLD'S WORST SPORTS CLUB OWNER
Peep! The whistle is being blown this week, not just on the pitch but off it too as we turn both barrels on the World’s Worst Sports Club Owners. We are joined by ‘online joker’ Jonny Sharples who wallows alongside Ben as a fan of the long-suffering Newcastle United FC. It’s not just football clubs who get a drubbing, even though some of their owners have included the hardened criminals, arsonists and, in one case, over 50,000 crowdfunders. There’s also finally a nomination for a certain orange New York property developer and “president”…
137 - ARI ELDJARN - WORLD'S WORST FOOTBALL TEAM
Don your cardboard shinpads, make sure your studs are the right way round and prepare for some shoulder-high tackles as we present the worst football teams in the history of the game.
We're joined by Icelandic stand-up comic Ari Eldjarn: grandson of a president and son-in-law of an international footballer as we enjoy the most hapless starting XIs in history. In a game of three halves we meet a team of Portuguese criminals who terrorised their opponents, the teams FIFA won't accept in their club (big up United Koreans in Japan and Franconia) and the brave boys of early Icelandic football.
136 - ROB MULHOLLAND - WORLD'S WORST MUSICAL
We're jazz-handing, grape-vining, box-stepping and kick-lining our way through this week's episode, alongside comedian Rob Mulholland in the cast of the World's Worst Musical. It's an episode we've been looking forward to some time and, if the reviews are anything to go by, this is a surefire flop! We've got appearances by Spiderman and Hyacinth Bucket, a pile of bird poo and a motorway service station. This episode is so show-stoppingly bad, it's good.
135 - RACHEL WHEELEY - WORLD'S WORST GIFT
Since you've been very good we've saved up and gift-wrapped you this episode. Along with our guest - stand-up comic, producer and Douglas Adams acolyte Rachel Wheeley - we discover some of the worst presents in history. From diplomatic gifts like crocodile insurance, elk chairs and jellybean portraits to tasty camels, Saddam Hussein's favourite video nasties and a royal penis sheath, literally all human life is here in our enormous stocking!
134 - ANDY BODFISH - WORLD'S WORST SPORTSMANSHIP
With elbows raised high and a steeplechase full of horseshoes crammed into our boxing gloves we spit in the face of the spirit of the game and talk to globe-trotting commentator Andy Bodfish about the world's worst sportsmen and women.
There are dastardly disguises for men, horses and racecourses, baseball bats full of cork, comfort-eating judokas and the worst ever soundtrack to warm up to.
133 - ROB TAYLOR-HASTINGS - WORLD'S WORST ROBOT
Bleep blorp, does not compute! This week, we risk infuriating our future overlords by naming and shaming the World's Worst Robots. We are joined by the implausibly handsome Rob Taylor-Hastings, actor and co-host of the podcast Roboteers Standby. He educates us about the history of Robot Wars and the magical geeky gladiators who engage in robot combat. Meanwhile, Barry stays in a hotel staffed by annoying machines and Ben looks at some terrifying attempts at real-life deep fakes.
132 - STEVE GRIBBIN - WORLD'S WORST RAILWAY
All aboard! Anyone who has ever used public transport in the UK knows that one of our favourite past times is complaining about our unbelievably sub-standard rail network, so it's about time we found out where it comes in the global and historical standing of terrible railways.
Joined by musical comedy legend and self-confessed maverick trainspotter Steve Gribbin, Ben and Barry chug along on a journey from the Corinthian in Ancient Greece to the Vatican City via New Zealand, Burma and a very creepy Victorian rail system.
131C - A VARIETY PACK OF SCHADENFREUDE
Ben's still decompressing from Edinburgh and Barry's away galivanting for his wedding anniversary, so we've thrown together a quick Worst Foot trifle of some of our favourite bits that didn't quite make the final cut over the past couple of years. We cover all the bases: Hamlet set in LA, the group dynamics of Alvin and the Chipmunks, Vladimir Putin's short-lived ice hockey career and a witch doctor pro-wrestler going ten-pin bowling.
Guest featured in this episode are Thom Tuck, Christian Tablot, Helen Arney, Tez Ilyas and Jim Smallman. Enjoy and we'll be back with a full episode next week!
THE THIRD FOOT - MADAME TUSSAUDS (BONUS EPISODE)
Come listeners! Join us in the snaking queue into the uncanny valley! Ben and Barry are a bit glassy-eyed in this month's bonus Patreon episode, as we venture into Madame Tussauds. Yes, there's no apostrophe. No, we're not happy about it either. Voted the World's Worst Tourist Attraction in our episode with playwright Camilla Whitehill, we're back for more torture in this chamber of horrors. We take a look at the real woman behind the name, learn how the models are actually made and examine the dubious presence of Hitler among the smiling famous faces.
131B - BEST OF THE WORST OF THE BEST 6
It's a Ben-and-Barry duo episode, another chance to delve back into the archives and revisit past shows. This week we flip the record on episodes 26 to 30, finding the very BEST in the subjects we covered back then. And boy, does that prove tricky when picking the Best Serial Killer... alongside that, we also look at drivers, musical duos, horror films and aliens. The whole thing has a bit of an aquatic feel, with appearances by both Jaws and space whales, while there are also chats on stunt drivers, the iconic sitcom 'Alf' and Lennon and McCartney. Yes, Ben's at it again with his Beatles agenda!
082 - OSCAR TOEMAN - WORLD'S WORST RESIGNATION
This week we are stepping down, shaking golden handshakes and leaving with our heads held high. Theatre director Oscar Toeman will guide Ben and Barry through the awkward history of the world’s worst resignations. Ben explores Ferdinand Marcos’ attempts to cling to power, Barry tells of a British peer who revealed his affairs a bit prematurely and Oscar sticks his head under the toilet cubicle doors in the old Wembley stadium to witness an England manager’s demise.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @OscarT216
054 - WILL SEAWARD - WORLD'S WORST PIRATE
Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Cointreau, it’s time for these salty seadogs to tell ye a tale! Gather ye round as Cap’n Will Seaward, comedian and storyteller of yore, is piped aboard the good ship Worst Foot Forward by Cabin Boy Van der Velde and Able Seaman McStay. Avast and away, they set sail in search of treasure, namely the World’s Worst Pirates. But beware! For there be many dragons along the way, including a pirate monk, a man who it is said ate his enemies hearts and even the man who is the reason we wannabe pirates do be talkin’ like this. Take comfort in stories of pirate gayness, hat-bandits and the origin of the word barbecue. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @WillSeaward
053 - ANDREW DOYLE - WORLD'S WORST SEQUEL
This week's episode sees us paint with broad brushstrokes as we discuss the world's worst sequel, along with our guest - comedian, writer and Jonathan Pie co-creator - Andrew Doyle. If you've ever loved something and been crushingly disappointed by the follow-up (parents with two offspring will know that feeling) you'll love this episode. We discuss every possible type of sequel: from books to films to popes to wars, political parties, musicals and more.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @andrewdoyle_com
052 - ISZI LAWRENCE - WORLD'S WORST POET
Merry new year to one and all! For our first episode of 2018 we've donned berets, waxed our beards and grabbed the nearest set of tom-toms to share stories of the worst poets in history. Naturally, the king of bad poetry William McGonagall is heavily featured, but we also meet a the Canadian James McIntyre who was quite unreasonably obsessed with cheese and Theophilus Marzials, a man who heard about onomatopoeia once and clearly thought it was the only thing that ever mattered in poetry. We are joined by the erudite Iszi Lawrence - host of the tremendous Z List Dead List podcast and owner of her own tame poet, the marvellous Mr A F Harold.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @Iszi_Lawrence
049 - THOM TUCK - WORLD'S WORST GREATEST HITS ALBUM
Join us for a rummage through the bargain basement with actor, sketch performer and 21st century PG Wodehouse character Thom Tuck as we cast our eyes over the world of music to find the Worst Best Of... albums in history. We nerd out over album sequencing, confess to ropey teenage purchases and uncover a particularly grim Elvis cash-in.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @TurlyGod
046 - RICHARD MAXTED - WORLD'S WORST COCKTAIL
Ben and Barry are often likened to cocktails - one is a high-baller with a twist and the other is a fruity virgin. So it was only natural that they would seek out the very worst of that particular type of tipple, with a little help from Richard Maxted, mixologist and proprietor of bespoke cocktail purveyors Mix & Muddle. We ask the question 'Who is Tom Collins?', learn the dirty secrets of the dirty martini and marvel at humankind's ingenuity for drinking literally ANYTHING when push comes to shove.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @MixMuddle
043 - ARCHIE MADDOCKS - WORLD'S WORST PLAYWRIGHT
Curtain up! This week's guest is Archie Maddocks, a stand-up comedian as well as a multi-nominated playwright - his work has been shortlisted for both the highly prestigious Bruntwood Prize and Alfred Fagon Award in 2017. We train both barrels on word-wranglers and script-screwer-uppers as we take on some of the World's Worst Playwrights. Ben gets personal, Barry talks unstageable stage directions and Archie takes down no less than a Nobel Prize winner.
Follow us on Twitter: @worstfoot @bazmcstay @benvandervelde @ArchieMaddocks